


undying death defying love

by Mia_Zeklos



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Demonic Possession, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Parabatai Bond, Spoilers For Book 5: City of Lost Souls, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 23:23:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13669440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mia_Zeklos/pseuds/Mia_Zeklos
Summary: "Jace always got the strangest feeling when he was around. He wasn’t sure why – he didn’t remember ever seeing him before he’d left with Sebastian and when he tried to, the rune carved into his chest started hurting more than on any other occasion – but the recognition was still there, pulling at his senses in a way he couldn’t fully comprehend. "





	undying death defying love

**Author's Note:**

> My contribution to @jalecsquad's Valentine's Day Challenge over on tumblr. Doesn't have much to do with Valentine's day, but it has a lot to do with love, which is hopefully enough. Title taken from [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNpeK7sDLzE), which also makes for a great soundtrack.  
> ....I'm putting far too many book details in considering that this is solely a show fic, but it really isn't anything too big. I hope you guys enjoy this and feedback is always welcome!

The tall man was here again.

Jace always got the strangest feeling when he was around. He wasn’t sure why – he didn’t remember ever seeing him before he’d left with Sebastian and when he tried to, the rune carved into his chest started hurting more than on any other occasion – but the recognition was still there, pulling at his senses in a way he couldn’t fully comprehend. It filled him with a previously unfamiliar kind of anxiety, one that had his hands shaking and his entire body going cold and it felt a little like drowning; like not being able to breathe in because of the _loneliness_ that overwhelmed him with its sheer magnitude every time.

Jace didn’t know the man’s name or anything else about him, but he somehow knew that he went through the exact same thing.

He hadn’t told anyone about him. Sebastian wouldn’t understand it, and Clary— Clary was always so _hopeful_ when he showed interest in anything outside of their plans that it seemed inadvisable to encourage her. And plus, there was something – the same strange instinct that urged him to go after the man every time he saw him – that told Jace to keep it to himself. Keep _him_ to himself, more like, as if that was what he’d been always meant to do.

They had only talked once, when Jace had first met him, but it hadn’t helped much when it came to answering his questions. If anything, it had only confused him further.

“Jace,” the man had said, sounding completely wrecked. Even in the distraught state that he had been in, chest heaving as if he’d run to catch up with him, face clouded by worry, he had been beautiful and a part of Jace had been sure that he had thought the same thing before. _This is what he looks like after a hunt, or a tougher mission, and_ — Jace had done his best to focus on the man’s words again. It hadn’t been a question – more like a resigned statement, really – but Jace had nodded nonetheless, leaning ever so slightly into the stranger’s touch without really meaning to. His hold had been warm on Jace’s elbows, and grounding in a way that had felt familiar in the same maddening way everything about him had even back then. “I can’t believe you’re actually here.”

Jace’s heart had constricted painfully at the despair in his voice when he spoke again. “I’m sorry,” he’d said despite every fibre of his being protesting the lie, “but I think you’re mistaking me for someone else.”

How could he? He had called him by his name and Jace _knew_ him. It scared him that he did, considering that he had no real recollection of ever meeting him, but it was what it was and the more he’d tried to smother it, the more it had bubbled up to the surface, especially when the man nodded.

“You’re right.” He hadn’t looked disappointed, precisely, but the shift in his demeanour had been undeniable. He’d let go and Jace had had to stop himself from reaching out again, convinced as he was that he had to do everything in his power to help him. “I’m sorry.”

“And just like that, he’d left. Jace had seen him a few times again after that and even if it had always been from afar, he hadn’t been able to shake off the visceral _need_ he felt to approach him again; to try and do something to soothe the pain that he knew he was going through. It must have meant something, he’d reasoned in front of himself, that he could feel what the stranger felt. It wasn’t as strong as his connection with Sebastian, but it was _something_ and he had only just managed to decide against going after him by reminding himself that it wouldn’t be the best idea to broadcast the entire thing too much. Sebastian already got suspicious when he stayed outside on his own for too long. There was no point n fanning the flames over something he couldn’t even completely make sense of.

He couldn’t fully make sense of it now either, but this time, it was different. He should have told them both earlier, or he should have found Sebastian _now_ and told him what was going on. The man was dangerous; it was there in the glint in his eyes and the grip his hands had on his bow. His bow, which was currently in use against one of Sebastian’s Endarkened and that should have been the last bit of proof he needed to know that he was an enemy as fights broke out all around them on the field below, but there was still no way – no _reason_ – to mention it. Sebastian would be safe as long as he was still busy with the Cup and his soldiers and Clary had been gone for a while now, doing Angel knows what.

“Jace.”

Except she wasn’t, apparently, not anymore, because she was right by his side again, looking even more uncertain than she had been before they’d arrived. “What is it?”

“You need to come with me.” She was holding a sword – one that she hadn’t had when they’d left this morning and that didn’t look like anything he’d ever seen before. “Please, we need to go,” she urged, taking him by the hand when he didn’t move.

“Go where?” The burning sensation somewhere at his left side – the one that the tall man’s presence always ignited – was getting harder and harder to ignore and trying to stay focused was frustrating as it were without sudden changes in the plan. And knowing Clary, it likely wasn’t even an authorised change – she had tried to take the reins over the operation quite a few times already, no matter how often Jace had tried to assure her that he was perfectly fine the way he was. “Did Sebastian say anything?”

“No.” She was within an arm’s reach now and the angle of the weapon in her obviously uncertain grip— there was something _off_ about it that he didn’t have a name for. It was the way she’d looked after Sebastian the night he’d tried to steal the Mirror – torn between regret and pity and anger. “No, it’s not about him.”

“Clary,” Jace said, taking another step towards her and making to take the weapon away only to see her curl her fingers around the handle even tighter. “If there’s anything wrong, you know you can—”

The words died in his throat as Clary held the blade against his stomach and pushed forward in one swift move, a distressed sound leaving her lips as he lost his footing. It was still there – the determination and the pain written over her face – and she rushed to him, as if trying to steady him before he fell.

 _This hadn’t been supposed to happen_. He had known that Clary wasn’t fully convinced of the purpose of this mission, but this? He hadn’t seen it coming and that almost hurt more than the blade itself.

“I’m sorry,” she was saying now and through the unbelievable shock of pain and confusion, Jace realised that he _believed_ her. “I’ve got you, I’m so sorry. It’ll be okay.”

“What’s going on?” A new voice asked and Clary disappeared abruptly in favour of an already familiar face. Not from their few sporadic meetings, but from always and Jace reached up with an unsteady hand to see if he could touch him; if he was really there. “How do you know it’ll work?” There was a response that Jace couldn’t make out and the grief painted over the man’s face had its own bone-deep resonance somewhere inside him, like a painful echo that his soul couldn’t help but send out. His head was buzzing, vision swimming and he couldn’t _understand_ any of this. “He’s _dying_. If this doesn’t work— If there’s not enough— I,” he redirected his attention again, one hand propping him up and the other resting against his cheek, infinitely gentle. The man’s eyes were glistening, body trembling and Jace briefly wondered if what he’d felt before was a two-way connection. He hoped not – the sword had set a fire inside him that didn’t leave anything untouched and the last thing he wanted was to cause him more pain. “I need you to focus on me, okay? Just hold on.”

He was crying, Jace realised, when the man’s thumb wiped a stray tear away. _Alec_. His name was Alec and he would fix this; there wasn’t an ounce of doubt in Jace that he would make things better. He always had before, because— Why? He couldn’t remember. The fire inside him had reached its peak, engulfing every memory he’d had in the flames until almost nothing remained.

Almost. Only one thing remained and Jace clung to it with even more desperation than he did to the man in his arms. “I will,” he vowed. His pulse was almost deafening in his ears now as his body fought to stay alive against all odds for no other reason than to fulfil his promise. “ _Parabatai_.”

***

“...no reason to believe that it’s not him. The message was pretty clear.”

Izzy was the one speaking. Jace recognised her voice, but he could hear her too, heels clicking on the marble floor of the Institute infirmary. His breath left him in a relieved sigh. He was _home_.

“I know.” It was Alec this time, every word heavy with reluctance. One of his hands was holding on to one of Jace’s and he basked in the safety of his parabatai’s touch, overwhelmed by sensations he had been deprived of for far too long. “I know, but I can’t do this right now, Iz. We could wait a while longer.”

 “Okay.” Isabelle didn’t sound pleased, but she headed for the door nevertheless. “I’ll go tell Clary.”

It was Clary’s name that invoked the strongest reaction yet and Jace’s hold around Alec’s hand tightened reflexively at the sudden rush of memories of _everything_ that had happened before he’d lost consciousness.

The response was immediate. “Jace?” His hair was brushed away from his face with the same careful tenderness that had poured out of every gesture Alec had made during the battle. “Can you hear me?”

“Yes.” His voice sounded foreign to his own ears and Jace cleared his throat. Trying to look up took far more effort than he’d expected it to, but the sight that greeted him was enough to make him forget about the strange heaviness of the way his body moved now; Alec’s eyes meeting his close enough for Jace’s vision to blur slightly. The sun was just rising, it seemed, and the red light streaming through the stained glass of the windows painted his parabatai’s face in a dozen different colours as he leant even closer. In a way, it reminded him of their first meeting in that alley – he was _beautiful_ , even with the stress etched onto his features. “Are you okay?”

“I am _now_.” The nervous laugh that followed was almost drowned out when Jace found himself pulled forward into a hug. His arms wrapped around Alec’s back, bringing him closer despite the insistent, dull ache in the wound on his chest, but as soon as he’d noticed it, Alec pulled away quickly. “Sorry. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. Better than ever.” Better than he had been in the recent past, that was for sure. Jace chanced a look at his own body and grimaced at the bloody mess there. “This is—”

“It’s heavenly fire,” Alec said, an explanation and an excuse at once. “The Angel said that it would wipe out Lilith’s spell from your body and it _did_ , but iratzes can’t heal it.”

It was too much information too quickly, but Jace couldn’t help himself. “ _The Angel_? Wait, never mind.” There was a more pressing issue, come to think of it. “How did you find us?”

“Before Clary left with you, the Seelie Queen gave us a pair of rings.” Alec lifted his hand and Jace only now noticed the silver band there. “We could communicate telepathically through them.”

“You summoned the Angel and went to the Seelie Realm for me?” The idea alone was _terrifying_ , but Jace couldn’t deny the warmth that coursed through him at the sound of it. How had any rune, no matter how powerful, ever managed to hold this – _them_ – back? Now that he could feel it all once again, their feelings mixing into a whirlwind of love so great that Jace couldn’t picture ever being apart from him again. They had both been aware when they’d first begun their relationship that their bond would likely bring them closer together than they had imagined before and while they’d been prepared for it, Jace doubted that either of them had seen _this_ coming. The separation felt nearly unbearable when he looked back at it now and even with his inability to remember, he had felt so devastatingly _empty_ ; the Angel could only know what Alec had gone through in the meantime.

“It was a team effort, actually,” Alec shrugged, eyes straying to the side as if he’d caught on with Jace’s train of thought. “But yes, I did. I would have done more than that if that’s what it took.”

And really, despite the unlocked doors and the very real possibility of someone barging into the room any moment, Jace couldn’t _not_ kiss him now. He reached out, fingers trailing over his parabatai’s jawline as he brought him closer and Alec leant in, still so painstakingly careful and yet just as eager to be as close as they could get.

“I promised to call everyone when you wake up,” Alec said as they broke apart, but he didn’t make to move away. “We shouldn’t keep them waiting.”

“You’re right; I miss them.” He’d seen Clary all the time during the last few weeks, but it was _different_ now that he was himself again and there were still so many questions he needed to ask everyone; so many things to figure out. But not yet. Not while he still hadn’t managed to shake the terror off his skin. They didn’t need to see him like this. “Maybe just a while longer?”

“Works for me,” Alec nodded, already making himself comfortable on the edge of the bed where he’d kept watch so far. “Just a while longer.”


End file.
